Myrddin sits on the porch of the high town tavern looking out to the woods. He appears lost in thought one eye twitching slightly. He looks disheveled and exhausted like he has not slept in days. His skin is pale, occasionally his half elf ears seem to twitch rapidly as Myrddin jumps slightly where he sits trying not to fall asleep.
He clutches a dagger with both hands in his lap gripping it to hard. Blood can be seen slowly dripping from his fingers, but he does not seem to notice.
Wind ruffles his wavy hair and he shivers.
the sound of clattering shutters came and went, as loud gusts of wind hurled angrily away and dissipate. .
in the distance, he'd hear crunching of boots, and a cloaked maiden with an empty basket.
She stops when a gust heaved too hard but soon continued when it stopped.
Finally, coming to the light of the porch she makes it. A messy mane of white hair and looking a bit relieved to make it home finally.
"Finally made it! I uh,...had to feed a cat."
Looking to Myrdin her face frowned, "joo are bleeding!"
Kneeling to sit beside him. "Myrdin? Vhat is wrong?" She said most softly, "let me helpith jour hand? Did you get caught in ze big storm?"
Myrddin suddenly snaps out of his trance like state and notices the pain in his hands. He drops the dagger to the porch and he lets out a groan realizing the damage he has done to his hand.
"damnit...." he trails off
Looking up from his hands he notices Aleena walk up and sit beside him and silently wonders to himself about the cat Aleena mentioned.
Looking around he notices how conditions have worsened and that the temperature had dropped.
"Storm? Where did this storm come from?"
His hands shoot with pain again and he lets out a cry through gritted teeth.
Looking to Aleena he explains; "I have not been sleeping well since this weekend. I keep having nightmares and wake up screaming thinking someone is in the cabin about to slit my throat."
He pauses and takes a deep breath
"Other times I see the face of the celestial Balance yelling at me and threatening to kill me if I do not do as he says."
Looking around at high town, "Everything feels wrong. I do not know of any other way to describe what I am feeling. What's wrong with me Aleena."
He looks at her extremely distressed. His hands continue to bleed.
Aleena, took his hands frowning to see her friend suffer. Affectionately and carefully blew gently across his fingers.
"by ze breath of life, heal thy fingers."
A cool sensation and green light seals his fingers from cuts.
"....fear. Joo are saturated vith fear...."
She embraces him , "I know ze fear you speak, do not succumb to it Myrdin....we will put an end to all of this plague, thiz spawn."
She pets his back reassuringly. Leaning away, "you need a lil Light my friend,...comith? Let us bring you inside? You are safer in ze tavern. Tis so windy here,....."
Green light and magik fading from swirling around his hands Myrddin reaches down and picks up and sheathes his dagger at his side.
"Thank you, Aleena. I think you are right I will follow you inside."
Getting up from the tavern porch he walks inside the tavern and takes a seat at one of the long tables.
"I do not understand why I keep reacting this way. It's not like I haven't seen any of this before or haven't been in battle before. This time feels different though."
Taking a breath Myrddin continues.
"I noticed it after you brought me back, Aleena, like something was wrong with my body or maybe that is the wrong way to say it."
With fear in his eyes, "Aleena I do not think the eldest will let me come back from death anymore. I do not understand how I know this, but it is like this inescapable feeling I have...." Tears begin to well in Myrddin's eyes.
She leads him in to the Tavern as the screendoor ached and closed behind him. With soften gaze, she gathered his hands and studied them, as if sensing him. Her face frowned and she weighed his palms up and down. "....your soul does not lie to you. Joo are feeling the last string to thiz world cut off.....I can...feel no tug in you to this world." Her eyes gazed to his haunted and pained. "...What you are feeling iz,...very real Myrdin. " Letting that sink in as she was ready to feel him mourn the turning tide of this new realization. "Your ties,..your shard like strings to his world has been severed, damaged severely. " Her eyes fell to his hands weighed on her palms, " Some claim, they can feel the shards burn away, others say it is like a deep cut, inside the chamberz of their heart, cut off. Leaving them aimless like ze stringless puppet. Vhat joo feel is very real. I remember vhen I,..first felt ze taste of death. I felt so....alone. So out of place, it hurt so much. I vas very upset...." The frame of white hair cradled her face as she looked back up to his eyes again, "I did not have anyone to comfort me in such horid time,...but joo vill not face the same horror alone. " She squeezed his hands and a weak smile, "I vill be here for joo to mourn, none of us vant to die. I do not want joo to die Myrdinn.." her face twist in to sorrow. Leaning in, she softly embraced him frowning deeply. "...please, don't do anything reckless, you must stay in town. I don't want joo to perish."
He watches and listens to Aleena trying hard to hold back his tears, to show strength, but his mental will is not strong enough. He lets his emotions flow out of him into her embrace.
sputtering he says, "What have I done with my life? I am only 26 years old! I have accomplished nothing in that time. Nothing for the world."
Pulling back from Aleena he wipes the tears from his eyes and face.
Looking past Aleena, "What about my mother? Who will care for her? What will she do if she gets better and I am not there?"
"I am not ready to die!" he shouts towards the ceiling of the tavern.
Looking around the tavern he pauses sitting there in silence as if listening for a response from something or someone unseen. Then color in his face falls away as he goes pale and his right hand reaches up to hold his neck. His eyes glaze over in horror. Breath quickening.
"Ever since you brought me back," He looks to Aleena "I have been having nightmares of that undead ripping my throat out and dying over and over again. I keep seeing it when I try to sleep and I see it when I am awake and alone."
He swallows hard. Right arm dropping back to his side as another wave of sorrow overtakes him.
"All of my previous death's I have not had these nightmares about what happened to me, I do not understand?!?!"
Even through all the sorrow and mourning Myrddin's analytical mind attempts to claw at understanding what is happening to him. He shakes off the thought and he returns his focus to Aleena. His face and ears now beat red from sobbing.
"Thank you Aleena for being here, for listening to me. I know we always have not seen eye to eye on every issue in town but I hope if something happens to me you will remember me with good memories."
Myrddin stands up and walks over to a window facing out towards the cabins and high town. He wipes his eyes and watches the citizens of New Haven living their lives. Unable to adequately react to all the emotions he is feeling he simply drops his head and leans against the window.
Aleena held him as he sunken to the horror,... shutting her eyes, letting him mourn until he pulled away...
It was horrid to watch but a part of her, from a place she couldn't understand, told her to let him mourn,....let him cry out to the skies,...
When his painful questions hung in the air in silence, her heart ached, his fear saturated the air and choked her of words. All she could do was to gaze down frowning....
The cool air was haunted of his unanswered cries, yet help numb it at the same time.
When he calmed, she drew her hands together as if in brief prayer, finding her own inner strength inside.
The floor began to ache as he'd hear her slowly pace towards him from behind,...speaking in a soft tender tone.
"....do you know how long Tiro,...I mean, Rothe has lived vith no soul shards?..." her question was in a tone that seem too vulnerable to sit in the air, a hidden ache.
"...two years. " forcing a pained smile but soon dropped it.
" You would think? Ze greyloc would dispose us, hate us or be careful enough not to fight anymore, maybe at least stay out of trouble?. "
She stood beside him looking out with him.
"Yet, he is still out there, devoting to his goal, his diligent fight against the Drow. Everyday, stubborn, haunted, angry....but never giving in ...."
she watched on hearing the crikets sing in the distance,....
"He's now forced to do the worst, out there, vith ze drow but. ..yet no matter vhat I do? Or vhat I say? I cannot change him. He vill continue to fight ze darkness, ze exiled, everything until he has nothin left,....vith no shards and only shackles around his neck. yet his soul is stronger than any I've seen....still fighting despite ze guilt, the horrors,...the pains."
the white hair maiden peeked at him and said softly, "I cannot change him. Nor ze circumstances he lives in. He vill do what he does because he believes in them. And Nor I or anyone could change you, vhat joo did or vhat has transpired Myrddin...."
she turned to face the window, "death iz frightening, and I know some of your deaths vas not jour control but,.....I remeber joo giving up your own shard for Alacor, right over there, a year ago..." motioning outside with a nod.
"....it vas very noble action you did Myrddin, I did not forget it. "
she crossed her wrists gently in a deep pause
",...you selflessly gave it. It vas a beautiful thing. But do you regret it? Would you have changith that moment? Knowing vhat joo are feeling now? "
She gazed at him again.
Myrddin raises his head and looks at Aleena. "No I do not regret what happened with Alacor. Something had to be done about the elementals. My sacrifice and those others who did the same made sure that we did not have to worry about the elementals again. That was important to me. I would not change that moment."
Looking back out the window.
"I watched in horror as rothe and the other person inflicted pain on decimas and thurniir against their and his will. I wish I had known rothe better before. But I saw everyone else's reaction and that told me how hard it must've been for rothe to do what he did to Decimas and Thurniir."
He pauses and takes a deep breath looking back to Aleena he slides back down into a bench seat next to the window.
"How do I keep going like I have, Aleena, now every time I am fighting for the town I will think is this it? is this how it all ends? How does someone live like that?"
She turned to him as he sat down, creasing her hands together and gave the most sincere but genuine smile.
"...with Hope."
Leaning in to the table, she daintily scoots in to sit in it's surface.
"...tell me Myrddin, despite knowing Balance iz terrifying and traumatic, vhy did you go to meet again?"
Her question was not a scowl or patronizing, but awey and curious. He can sense a hidden point behind it from the small priestess in his favor.
Leaning back against the wall of the tavern with the window above his head Myrddin lets out a half laugh with a smile.
"Hope."
Looking into Aleena's eyes with a sense of amazement and wonder. "I do not know how you do it Aleena. How you manage to stay so....." He pauses searching for the right word. "...optimistic."
"Despite everything that has happened to you, you do not appear to let it bother you. I admire that about you."
Listening to Aleena's next question he is caught by surprise. A sense of guilt or embarrassment suddenly overcomes him. Freezing his thoughts.
Looking away from Aleena he takes a deep breath and begins.
"Over a year ago I got involved with something that turned out to be way above my head. I did not realize how dangerous it was until it was too late. However despite being in contact with an entity that could destroy myself and everyone else who was there with me it chose to help us instead. Balance is extremely terrifying, but this time instead of us summoning him he came to our plane of existence and demanded an audience. I felt at the time given my existing relationship with this celestial it was the smart decision to go and see why he chose to come here on his own."
Pausing, lost in thought reliving memories a grimace develops again on his face. Closing his eyes he shakes it off and continues.
"I do not regret going because despite all his rage and bluster he still helped us. He gave us a piece of the eldest sword. So I made a split second decision when the cultists of truth showed up and said Balance was looking for an audience with members of New Haven. I decided that whatever information he had was worth the potential mental and emotional trauma it might bring me."
Myrddin begins to shake and his breath quickens. His focus appears to not even be present in the tavern for a moment. Reliving the memory of Balance putting his hands on Myrddin's shoulders and his face close to Myrddin's threatening all the things he'd love to do to Myrddin but decided he was useful instead. Shaking of the horrible vision of Balance's face he is able to bring his focus back to the tavern and Aleena.
"Balance is absolutely terrifying and traumatic, but to me emotional and mental trauma are worth the cost to protect this town. Protect New Haven that is my mission from Maman Kym and the commanders of the Moordenaar. It is at my discretion how I execute that mission. Unfortunately the celestials are part of the solution to that mission."
Myrddin puts his hands on his temples and begins making small circular motions. Small blue sparks emanate from his finger tips arcing to his forehead and temples briefly illuminating skin, blood vessels, and veins. It seems to calm him. His eyes seem for the briefest of seconds to flash blue as he whispers an incantation under his breath.
With a tired look on his face he looks back at Aleena
"That is why I chose to go and speak with Balance. I was not alone, and Balance had not physically hurt me yet so I trusted that would remain as it had before."
Myrddin begins taking in slow deep breaths.
Aleena blushed briefly at his compliment, shyly she tugged a white hair away with a smile. She was tempted to explain how she got this way, as she too wasn't born emotionally strong, only built slowly over time. But this wasn't about her, it was about Myrddin, .... She watched him express the horrors and the plague of his memories confronting Balance physically and across his face, hearing intently his deepest thoughts til it drains away and ran it's coarse. It was right there,...right there,...that she found it. There was a bright grin on her face. Should he look up at Aleena, he'd see her brows lift and lean away observing him as if admiring a painting. "Vell,....vell ! " she giggled, " Who iz this who stands before me now? Gripping fear, fighting it, and suddenly banished it before my very eyes? Vhen just moments ago was cryin' to ze heavens?" pointing behind her where he yelled earlier. Sitting in closer she pointed to his chest, "Stubborn and brave joo are! You knew ze Balance is terrifying and hazith the power to strike vhere you stand? Killing you also! Yet again and again....joo keep facing it. For ze sake of finding information valuable to our effortz, for jour moordenar, jour mission, jour Mama,....jour home." She grinned proudly. " Joo are much braver than you think! Do not be ashamed! Joo are like an ox and grasping hope like a steel blade despite ze pain! Trusting jour instincts that Balance vill not hurt jooo. To use jour love for your cause and your people,...that is called Courage, Myrrdin. A powerful light...." Motioning his chest again, "and like that....you made your own fears slowly banish. " She awaiting for his reaction for him to realize what he just did, right now. "That iz called the Light, and we all carry it. You've honored me to witness jour growing transformation just now. That even in the face of agony, horror and turmoil, you still persisted. We all feel fear joo know? It is how we react to it that makes us different. " "Joo didn't run away. Joo didn't quit. Joo didn't submit. You faced it head on and visited that strange fae 'Balance' as it yelled at you, joo stood tall and fierce. Vith sweat and tears for the purpose that burns in jour heart....." She let that sink in for a moment, but her smile didn't fade... "You havith great inner strength and tenacity which has always been there,...we sometimes have to be in the darkest place to see it. For candles shine brightest in ze pitch black darkness. Don't let fear over rule you, weild this light to fight back......"
Myrddin listens to Aleena speak feeling calmer and more himself.
"Thank you, for listening to me, I feel a lot better."
He looks up at Aleena with a small smile on his face but exhaustion in his eyes.
"You have given me much to think on and to remember." he puts his right hand up to his chest and looks down in contemplation.
Then dropping his hand he says, "If you ever need to talk. Please let me know. It's the least I can do after putting you through all my emotions."
Standing up and stretching before Myrddin walks off he says, "I hope, if I am fortunate enough to not have passed on that I will be able to learn the confidence and strength you have shown me tonight."
"I am exhausted." Myrddin slumps slightly and then makes for the front door of the Tavern.
"Good Night Aleena."
Aleena watches him go, seeing him regain himself.
"You are a good friend, I will keep that in mind. And you will Myrddin, you will. Just stay out of dark roads,.." she winked.
"Stay safe my friend..." patting his shoulder as he s walked by, accepting his exhaustion at long last.
To many it may not seem much, but to embrace sleep and desire rest after such horrors is a grand gift. To be at a tranquil content state at night is the true side of Shothar, ruling Elder of Serenity.
To feel the need to rest is his most secret gift under his starry world, hand in hand with Inil, the Eldest of light and love.
Together, these two Elders guide everyone to find their inner peace.
She smiles at Myrdin, seeing his nitemare gone, ...for now.
"Goodnightis Myrddin, Losto vae.."
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