Theron steps from the creaking doors of the watch tower and shields his eyes from the sun as he looks about the rod leading to New Haven. Light streams through the branches, catching the motes that float this way and that in the air with the wind still. The heat is just below stifling. He moves his hands down to examine them. They are caked with dark grey grime from a day of labor at the watch tower. As is a good smattering of his shirt and pants, though he doesn't wear the trademark red and black of the Order today.
Taking up his staff he walks along the road, glancing into his bag at a certain brown paper wrapped parcel, then up at the position of the sun.
"Might still be able to catch a red cap..." he mutters to himself.
Myrddin stands in one of the fields lining the road from the watch tower back down to New Haven holding his sword in one hand and his dagger in the other.
He methodically switches his footing, focusing and taking slow swings through the air with both weapons as he is trying to get used to fighting with both hands and one hand being a dagger.
He notices Theron’s departure from the watch tower. Squinting towards Theron he waves hello. “Theron!” *waves hello*
Catching the words in his ear, Theron turns and nods to Myrddin and waves back. Veering his course to leave the road and walk into the clearing. He waits until he's close enough to speak instead of yell.
"Practicing for the sort of enemy you want to stab twice?" He quips with a smile as he greets Myrddin.
“Sort of....” Myrddin responds “also getting used to having a weapon in both hands that is not magic”
Myrddin returns to a normal standing position and sheaths both the dagger and sword.
“I’m used to working with spells and not steel.”
Wiping sweat from his forehead and crossing his arms Myrddin states, “you look like you’ve been quite busy today?”
Theron looked at his clothes again, and shrugged. "Ah yes. Watch today consisted of hauling some wood and a bit of general labor. Humans are exceptionally skilled from moving things from one place to another." he says dryly.
He shifts his weight and looks inquisitive. "I didn't know you had any imbued weaponry. Something happen?"
"Seighart always used to say something along the lines of "the best shield is another sword," if I recall correctly. What's brought on this sudden martial interest?"
Myrddin laughs “a shift at the watch tower can definitely be like that.”
Placing a hand on his sword hilt, “my sword has been imbued for a while now I just do not use that ability of it on a regular basis.”
“Nothing happened in particular, I bought a dagger so I figured I need to get used to using it. “ He shrugs
“Also lately been feeling like I needed to get stronger in skill with some weapons in case an opponent gets to close to me for me to be able to use my spells.”
"Mhm" he mutters pacing slowly in the clearing, watching Myrddin out of the corner of his eye as he moved. "Very wise. A clever foe will close the distance." He smirks. "Not to mention the skilled, fast, determined and lucky ones."
Finding his way to roughly the spot where Myrddin was aiming his practice strikes, Theron glances about the ground as if looking for something. "I feel like I've noticed a change in you, friend. Not good or bad." He points to the dagger. "But you've got more edges to you lately than just new blades. There's a lot that can bring a person to that. I'm less curious of the what. I'm more wondering the who."
Theron stands squarely and holds his hands out, indicating the area he occupies. "Who is standing here in your mind's eye, when you strike the air, I wonder."
Myrddin watches Theron pace around him and pauses with Theron's question. Perplexed he stands there pondering his answer for a bit.
He stares forward almost looking past Theron
Images of his recent experiences flash through his head again. He sees the celestial, he sees spirits and spawns, he sees the blood fae.
Myrddin closes his eyes trying to shake the images from his minds eye and simply states almost muttering to himself..."I see all of them." He looks away from Theron trying to not give to much away. He sheathes his weapons and looks back at Theron.
"See, Theron, this is what I like about you. You're always more concerned with whats going on with others than yourself."
He pauses
"My....my nightmares are not important....is there anything troubling you this day, Theron?"
"Nightmares are important." Theron responds swiftly and with no humor. "Nightmares that lead someone to make decisions..." He points to the new dagger at Myrddin's side, "are even more important."
He looks to the side, shifting his weight. Ignoring Myrddin's question. He looks back to him, speaking solemnly, and at an easy pace. "I know what it's like to feel fear and hatred. Feel that one of them will win out, and either of them will make you something you don't want to be."
"I bet you were raised on stories of noble heroes. Ancient ancestors, storybook characters, campfire legends. They always did the right thing, defeated the villain, and you were told you should be like them."
He looks Myrddin square in the eye with an appraising look. "But we aren't like them. Are we?"
"...and why in heckith's name can ve not?"
There sitting on the wooden table with arms crossed was Aleena, she gazed at them both inquisitively.
"We aren't 'heroes' persay, that is not ze correct term. It tis too fictional and too ze naive. We are at war and we must be realistic of our risks. We are warriors, mages, fighters and healers. Fictional heroes do not measure this and often fight alone with a ego to boost. Such ways vill never work,.."
The petite priestess frowns, "Ve have lost people already...... That is vhy we need each other. "
Looking to Myrddin, "I can sense vhat plagues joo still. Assured, that I for one will do vhat I can to be there, joo are not alone.... "
Closing her eyes,...
"But, even so, to say we can not be like noble warriors in stories does not help. Such legends are needed still to boost our courage, teach us morals, refresh our minds, giving us warnings, and remind us what is worth fighting for. But above all? Give us the power of hope and goodness. And should Myddrin or anyone feel ze need to do so? For a good cause? We should support and givith it to them....."
She then narrows her brow at Theron, "Not make them second guess themselves...."
Undoing her arms, she carefully slips off the table with a hop " I support jour need to train Myrddin. I think joo are in a path of light and I understand it is daunting. But pushing away ze darkness that plagues you is not only brave but very intensith. Do not go through that alone. Jou have all of town who faces similar dangers everyday, I too...was murdered within these sandy paths, it was terrible moment. But even still, I stood back up, shaken and disturbed......" giving a soft smile his way, "We are all troubled in these doubtful times, but we are in it together......."
Aleena gazed behind her for a moment, "I havith bread that is being cooked I must check on..."
"But? Always know," turning her gaze at them softly, "....for as long ze sunlight rises everyday, a new chance to face our challenges is born. This is made after nitemares.... Do not fear them, use it to burn a flame inside you. One with virtue, courage and wisdom. And you will defeat it. Ve are very capable people, especially when we work together, never forget that nor second guess it....."
"Au revoir..." She nodded then sauntered away heading to the tavern.
"No, Theron, no we are not like the heroes in stories told to us when we were children. But my childhood is not relevant here." He says a bit angrily acknowledging Theron's statement.
Then he is surprised by Aleena's sudden statements and watches her walk off with a perplexed look.
"I agree with what Aleena said. We can aspire to the heroes in the stories passed down to us from those before, but we will never BE like them."
Looking back at Theron, "No one ever tells you how to make the hard choices in the stories told to us in our childhood. No ever tells you what the consequences of those choices will be...." he trails off.
"So why are you concerned with what influenced me to buy a dagger?" he says quizzically
"Why the interest in what is going on in my head?" he says defensively.
Theron flashes a smile and taps his own temple with his pointer finger. "Because what goes on in someone's head is terribly interesting."
He pauses, looking off in the direction Aleena left in, narrowing his eyes in thought. "She's not necessarily wrong. But she's about half way to where I was trying to go." He turns back to Myrddin. "But I won't fault a friend for their faith."
Theron then nods to Myrddin. "Same as I won't fault you for what's going on in your head. I won't venture to say I know exactly what it is, but, you're showing signs that echo with things I've felt and dealt with before in my time with the Order. "
"You're increasingly angry. You're showing more interest in violent ways to solve problems. You're exposed to things that can easily alter a person's view of their own world." He leans in a bit and speaks lower. "Were I to guess, and I am, there's a lot of hate going on inside your head. Hate at specific entities, the world, and even yourself."
Theron leans back up slowly. "The real truth, Myrdinn, is that not even the people from the stories are like the characters they become. A character is just an impression of a person made by a storyteller to convey and idea. I just see people all too often judge themselves too harshly for falling short of a measure even the source cannot live up to."
"Maybe I'm judging everything going on with you wrong, but, if I might give some advice as a friend; don't hate yourself for feeling hate. If you're feeling what I think you're feeling, I bet you find trying to focus on calming your emotions is like trying to smooth rough water with a flat iron. It just makes it worse."
"Hatred by itself is dangerous. It's dangerous because it takes over, and makes decisions for you. But... that doesn't mean it can't turn into something useful if you begin to realize that hatred is a reaction. Not a decision."
"And that ultimately; hatred is not good enough compared to what you really want."
As the screen door slap shut behind her, she eased to the side out of view. Aleena may not have long pointy ears as a half-elf, but there was still some elven blood line in her to over hear.
Her back carefully rested against the wooden wall, leaning her head to the side listening near the frame of the door. Making out words here and there, but not whispers. She frowned softly after a few moments, gazing to the floor in thought...
Myrddin looks in confusion as Theron makes his statements.
"I am not really sure why you have that idea about me or why you think that."
Myrddin feeling very uncomfortable decides to sit down, looking away from Theron he says,
"I do not harbor hatred. Fear, self doubt absolutely I feel those things but not hatred. Simply purchasing a dagger from the fine smiths in New Haven does not indicate problems Theron."
Looking back at Theron
"Training and getting used to a new weapon or trying not to rely on ones main fighting style so heavily does not indicate internal strife. If its my reactions to my encounters with the celestials you are referencing, I think my reaction was very appropriate. However I did not involve others in how I dealt with the way that interaction made me feel. I took it outside of town and dealt with it how I have always dealt with my harsher emotions. The way my mentor in the Moordinaar taught me to deal with my emotions when I was younger"
He pauses to take a breath
"Do I have problems controlling my emotions, absolutely. I am a half-elf and as such my human and elven sides are constantly clashing. It is part of being a half-elf. Never good enough for the humans and never good enough for the elves. Always stuck in a twilight between both sides. As such we have to learn to live with the tendencies of both sides. I am not always good at that I'll admit. BUT I never let my anger lead me to hurt another. Those days are past me, the Moordinaar made sure I grew out of that habit."
He shifts uncomfortably
"That follows you your whole life and it eventually has an effect on your mind. Being looked down on by the other races as something that is less than adequate."
He pauses again considering Theron's words
"But as you say, you believe I am choosing more violent tendencies than not. I do not see it, friend. You may recall that I am a doctor now fully trained in the healing arts and the surgical arts."
He gestures to the blue arm cuff with the healer's guild symbol on his right arm
"I did that because I wanted to help people beyond what the Moordinaar had taught me through the magical arts or the way of the sword. I did that because being a doctor would allow me to give a healing hand instead of a hand of destruction."
Myrddin looks away from Theron again and takes a deep breath
"I realize no matter what I say I will not be able to change your apparent opinion of me, but I thought you knew me better than this Theron."
"I, uh..." Theron's eyebrows raises, and his face contorts in a perplexed sort of look. He stands there leaning on his staff, staring off into space for a beat.
He then scratches his head, and looks embarrassed as he chuckles to himself. "I'm sorry, Myrddin. I really am. I think I'm seeing things that aren't there, and I don't want molly mull you into something you aren't in my head."
He sighs a bit and looks off to the side. "My opinion can always be changed. It has to be because I'm wrong so often. And I've learned I don't read people as well as I might think I'm capable. I genuinely apologize."
He flashes an apologetic smile. "Making friends outside of the Order has been...a struggle with my perceptions being the way they are. And it's been something I hate seeing people have to endure when they deal with me."
"Just chalk up to my grey hairs, maybe."
Myrddin stands back up from the ground dusting himself off.
He looks at Theron with concern, "Don't worry about it Theron. These are the kinds of things that should be talked about because sometimes we may not see what is wrong with ourselves. Whether it turns out to be true or not it's always good to ask."
Putting a hand on Theron's shoulder, "I still consider you my friend and Ally."
"If you do not mind me asking what is wrong with your perceptions? Are you ok, Theron?" He asks gently.
"I, uh..." He begins again, pausing as his thoughts catch up with him.
"I suppose I have the perceptions of someone living to work instead of someone of working to live."
He frowns. "No, wait. That's not it." Then closes his eyes and rubs his chin. "Actually wait, I think that is it."
He shrugs, and shifts around uncomfortably. "I don't know, Myrddin. I've just been making a lot of missteps lately, apparently, while doing the things I naturally do. Or at least, they aren't missteps. Well, I didn't think they were, but they clearly have been if people's reactions are a good indicator. I guess I've got an easy time getting along with my bothers and sisters, but I've lost touch with the rest of the world."
"Used to be I'd just be in a town, or city, or area for a week or so. Maybe a month. A cohort has to work quickly and efficiently. Only interacting we did was to observe, assess and act. Find threats, allies, sources of information. Do the work and go back to the Sword."
"Come to think of it...I guess I did have a few bad experiences when we lingered."
He waves his hands and shakes his head. "I'm over analyzing again. That's not fair to everyone, either. Look, you forgive me for being an old cook, and that means a lot. Apparently being friends with me requires a lot of patience."
"Being friends with you does not require a lot of patience." He says
"I cannot imagine you making any mistake that cannot be fixed with a friendly conversation."
"I can sympathize with moving around a lot for missions and then going back to the main force after the mission was over. That was how my life was in the Moordinaar prior to the dragons. The only family I knew before coming here were the Moordinaar"
"I do not think you have lost touch with the world. It is not your responsibility to know everything that is going on. That is a group effort."
Myrddin begins to pace a little trying to collect his thoughts. Myrddin stops and looks back at Theron.
"I think life here can really get to our heads sometimes. The seemingly constant attacks on all sides can wear a person down. Life here in New Haven is so different compared to what life was like on the mainland. I think all of that can contribute to feeling out of touch with the rest of the world."
"That is why we need friends and allies to help us stay grounded."
Theron fixes a smile. "Well, I assure you that you will find dissenting voices on your assessment of the ease of which one can befriend me. But, still, I appreciate what you're saying. It's actually... rather refreshing to hear that for once."
"There's amends to make with some people I'll try. But it's odd. At what point am I apologizing for a social fop-ah, and at what point am I compromising my convictions? That's what I've been wrestling with. So far I feel like the more I over think it, the more I muddle it. Best to deal with things as they come up and find the middle ground as best I can."
He looks around the buildings of New Haven. "That wearing down and getting to our heads you spoke of. That's the real fight to us. To the Order, I mean. The drow are watching us to turn on ourselves. Let desperation and divisiveness run their course until patience breaks and people act out of misguided and misplaced self aggrandizement."
He looks back to Myrddin. "But the drow are just the unwitting agents of the true Enemy to me. And that Enemy doesn't need us weakened for petty things like land, or coin or grudges. They want to line this world up until it matches their blasted plane and the Abyss can open wide its maw and swallow the souls they hunger for and bring about the hell on earth they are driven to create."
There's a pause. "But that is a story for another day."
"For now, if we can figure out how to get through all this, that will put this area out of alignment of the Abyss."
Theron taps his staff on the ground to shake some of the dust from it. "One friendly conversation at a time." and smirks.
"Well Theron the only thing you can really do is take every situation as it comes. Sometimes it is better to just leave things in the past and move on."
"But yes our enemies, whether that's the drow or creatures from beyond our plane of existence, would love nothing more than us to be at each others throats. We cannot let that happen cause as you said that plays right into their hand."
Myrddin's eyes grow wide with excitement as Theron describes the Abyss, "that is a story I would really like to hear from you another day."
Myrddin walks up next to Theron, "come my friend let us retire to the tavern and get off our feet" with his arm outstretched towards New Haven.
"It is getting late. Let's go have a drink" Myrddin says smiling
"The past." Theron says reflectively. "What a troublesome time the past is."
Her perks up at the mention of getting off his feet. "That sounds very wise, Myrddin. I need water with desperate fervor. Then maybe I'll indulge in something harsher." He says while following alongside Myrddin into the tavern as the haze of kicked up dirt settles through the rays of sun as it sinks below the trees.